On Being 47

I'm the youngest of my brothers and sisters. So maybe that's why I feel like I'm still young. I'm healthy. I'm in pretty good shape. I feel young.

But when I'm out and about. When I'm at animal rescue events. I notice that I am older. I see it in the eyes of the kids who come out to help. I see it in the potential adopters who look to me as a voice of authority, even though I have almost none. They see me as an adult.

And I realized this even more this past weekend. When I got older. When I had a birthday.

When I first let my gray hair come in, when I was 43, it was premature. I have premature gray hair, if not now then because I started getting gray at 17. For 22 years, I colored my hair. At 35, I let the gray hair come in. Then, it just made me look older. So I went back to coloring it. At 43, I let the gray hair show through again. I love not having to color my hair. I get lots of compliments on my hair color - though, granted, they are mostly from women. And I'll admit that I feel a certain satisfaction in being comfortable enough with myself - as I am - that I don't need to color my hair.

But my gray hair is not so premature anymore. Now that I'm 47, having gray hair isn't all that unusual. I think it's still a little premature. But not by much. Not as much as it used to be.

I had the same feeling about not being married. When I was in my 30s, I wasn't worried about not being married. I figured it would happen eventually. Now I'm almost 50, and it hasn't happened. And now I think, maybe it never will. I realized this also over the weekend when I celebrated my birthday, and I realized that I am the same age as my brother when he got married. And that we all thought he was quite old when he got married. And that we thought he'd never get married. And all that time, when we were thinking that he would never get married, I always thought that someday, some woman would be smart enough to realize what a catch he is and snatch him up. And then it happened. With a woman he'd known for a really long time. Who finally made him realize that he loved her too.

So I'm 47. And I'm an adult. And I have gray hair. And I've never been married. And I am old.