Fact Or Fiction

My book is going to be a combination of memoir and imagined fiction. The reality of what happened, followed by what might have happened had I taken a different path. It's been interesting to explore what might have happened. But I'm actually finding it harder to write the memoir part.

I've read quite a few autobiographies. I think it's a fascinating glimpse into what makes people tick. Why did they do the things they did? How did they do them? Why?

One of the first autobiographies I read was "Is That It?" by Bob Geldof. He wrote it shortly after Live Aid to explain how these amazing benefit concerts had been pulled together by a relatively unknown punk rock guy. The title came from a kid who was apparently expressing disappointment that the concerts were over. He was waiting for more. I think Geldof chose that title because he himself didn't want the concerts to be the end but rather the start of giving to impoverished Africa. They may have prompted that kind of giving. They also propelled Geldof into something of a statesman's role in trying to figure out how best to use the funds raised. And the concerts themselves went on to spawn many other fund-raising concerts, including Farm Aid.

But as I'm writing my "fact", I have come to wonder about the dialog found in such autobiographies. Now while I'm sure Bob Geldof may remember that one kid's comment as a pivotal one, I doubt that he - or anyone - can recall all the conversations he had with the various performers in the days leading up to the shows. Even writing his story shortly after they happened, I'd be surprised if he recalled the exact words he had with people in the months of planning. I keep meaning to go look at the book and see how much dialog there is. Because that's what I'm struggling with.

It's easy to imagine conversations that might have taken place. For the fictional pieces, I can put myself in the imagined moment and believe that I can create a fairly accurate portrayal of what the conversation might have included.

But trying to recall actual conversations nearly 30 years later, in some cases, seems like an impossible task. I remember the gist of what was said. I remember the outcomes, what happened as a result of the conversations. But even such momentous conversations as my one and only marriage proposal are gone from the reaches of my memory.

I am finding, however, that the details of what happened when - the timeline of the events - is easier to construct now that I have to laid it out. A led to B, which led to C. Or B happened between A and C, and so had to have happened in this timeframe. Names of people who have long since moved out of my life are also coming back. Not easily but gradually. I will end up changing most of the names anyway. After all, the memoir parts are not always comfortable to think about and sometimes include things best left between the two parties involved. So a little fiction will be interjected in the changing of names and possibly a few other elements. The parties who were intimately involved will know the real story. Whether they choose to acknowledge that is up to them.

Which is probably why I have found it easiest to write the "facts" around my relationship with a man who died a few years ago. He's not here to judge me and whether I have told the true tale. Almost no one - in fact, no one besides the two of us - know the actual facts. And my memory is fuzzy at best on some. The other "true" stories will be harder. Because they need to be true enough to be believed and lead to the imagined life stories. But still perhaps a blending of fact and fiction. Remembered or reimagined conversations. Snippets of the true facts laced with true-to-the-best-of-my-recall events.

So not fact or fiction. But instead fact and fiction.