I am a fairly ambitious person when it comes to my professional life. I think it's part of why I keep joining startup companies. In addition to enjoying the challenge of getting a new business off the ground, I like the idea of being able to write my own ticket and direct my own future.
On the other hand, it's usually not that easy. Despite having been the 9th, 5th, and 5th employee of new companies, as well as one of the early employees a couple of other times, I was actually hired for specific roles in those companies. And getting more out of those roles was harder than I had thought it would be. And being one of the early employees didn't protect me from layoffs, as you'd think it might. I did get stock options in a bunch of these cases, but unfortunately, those haven't paid off too well yet. I got a check for $0.74 last year from one of them. At this rate, I'm sure I'll earn my first million soon.
Now I'm back at a big company again. The challenge is that - as it was when I left - my role this time is a little ill-defined. While in a startup that's to be expected - to some extent - it's not really the ideal in a large company. In a large company, having a job that's new to the company can be the kiss of death. On the other hand, they were very excited to have me back. And there are lots of folks who tell me that they missed me when I was gone. Which is definitely a good thing. But...
It's a big place, and it's easy to feel lost. And I don't like to feel lost. I don't like to feel like my job isn't defined. I want to feel like I am indispensable.
But how many people really feel that way? Really. Ever. Not even CEOs are secure these days.
So it's time to put my ambition on hold. And do my job. And have that be enough. Because if I do my job, and do it well, then I should be able to feel more secure. And right now, that's more important than being ambitious.
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