No Presents, Please (Gifts, Optional)

My dad turns 83 in a few days. He's never been a huge fan of getting older. As he's gotten older, he has become less and less of a fan of the whole birthday thing. My parents are both healthy. It's not about that. I think it's more that every year, he thinks about all that he has done and wanted to do, and - even though he's done a great deal with his life - I think, for him, that balance always falls on the side of not having quite done everything he's wanted to do. That's just a guess because he hasn't really ever articulated it. But he's an ambitious guy.

As a family, of course, we still celebrate his birthday. It's important to acknowledge the day. To acknowledge another year healthy. To never forget to let him know how much he means to all of us. It's important. Because you just never know. He is 83, after all. And although his health scares this past year were relatively small in the scheme of things - diverticulosis and needing a pacemaker - they were still a reminder that our bodies only last so long. I don't care who you are. Every body will break down eventually.

In the past few years, though, Dad has requested no presents for his birthday. He's not a big present guy. Most Christmases he remarks on how we don't really need presents from each other. After all, most of us can well afford whatever we need. And at 83, he feels that he and my mother need no more things. They have enough things. To me, giving at Christmas and birthdays isn't really about presents. It's about gifts. To think about it and come up with something that perhaps the person may not *think* he or she needs.

We honor my father's request for his birthday. No presents. At least not more things. Instead, his presents are the family gathering to share, eat good food, and generally be a family - a gift indeed. To my father, that's present enough.

But I also *skirt* the present issue. I don't buy him any thing, nothing physical. But I usually make a donation in his honor, if not in his name. Two years ago, I gave to Donors Choose where the money goes to schools for special projects. Last year, I gave to Second Harvest to help feed those who were struggling in the tight economy. This year, I gave to Haiti.

Not a present, but still a gift.