Death and Men

I have been thinking about death and dying.

In part because I'm getting older. In part because my parents are getting older. In part because I have a few friends who are struggling with health issues - none fatal thank goodness. In part because I had a health scare myself not too long ago. All these things remind me that I do have some friends who have passed. Friends much too young to have died. And I miss them.

Two friends in particular come to mind. They died well. At least by my definition of dying well. But they died earlier than they should have (statistically) - and perhaps shouldn't have died at all. At least not when they did.

The first person I knew well and watched die (quite literally) was diagnosed with cancer that had metastasized from his throat. By the time he was diagnosed, the cancer had spread too far to be treated. The doctor gave him the option of trying a bunch of different treatments that probably wouldn't work and might be painful, or letting go. Fred chose to let go. He died in hospice, where they let you die with dignity.

My second friend was diagnosed with esophogeal cancer. Well, at least that was the doctor's best guess as to where the cancer started. By the time he was diagnosed, he was in stage 4. Which by definition means that the cancer had metastasized to at least two organs. Patrick moved to California to try treatment. But his liver was compromised, so he couldn't process the drugs. And ultimately, died at home peacefully 6 weeks after his original diagnosis.

My point, however, besides that they died as gracefully as possible, is that phrase "by the time". Neither Fred nor Patrick went to the doctor regularly. Fred had a growth on his neck for a while. He figured it was nothing. Or he got too busy to go to the doctor. Or maybe he didn't even have a regular doctor. The growth got to be the size of a walnut before he went to a doctor. By then, it was too late. Patrick thought he had the flu. He had apparently had stomach issues for a long time - just heartburn, he thought. He tried various diet changes, but it didn't really help. Then he started having a fever and feeling weak. So he went to the hospital. Where he was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. And it was too late.

Benjamin Franklin said, "in this world, nothing can be said to be certain except death and taxes." We are all going to die. Eventually. Nothing can stop that. But what is it about the male of our species that makes them less inclined to go for regular checkups. It's been pretty well documented that regular checkups can catch little problems before they become big problems. I would also bet that, like women do, if men had a regular doctor, with whom they were comfortable, they might be more inclined to go to the doctor when they felt out of kilter. Even if it just seemed like heartburn.

So men in my life - go to the doctor!