William Shakespeare got that right. Music, most of the time, soothes me. I can be in a bad mood, and a good song will come on and I'll be much happier. When a good song comes on the radio, I might not even mind that I haven't gotten out of second gear in two miles. Turning up the car radio, with the top down, and singing at the top of my lungs while driving down the highway (at normal speeds) - one of my definitions of happiness.
But music also has the ability to bring pain. There are certain songs that are associated with painful memories. And hearing those does not soothe.
He was an old friend. We had hooked up a couple of times years before. Then we hadn't seen each other for quite a while. But were both single again and met for drinks. And perhaps a little hooking up again. Friends with benefits, I believe, is the colloquialism.
That's where it should have stayed. Had it stayed there, there wouldn't have been pain. Hurt. Humiliation. No music that pains. Instead, it became...well, it's really unclear what it became.
It was the first season of Rock Star. In this case, to find a new lead singer for the band Inxs. As a music fan and singer, I was fascinated by this idea. Turned out that he was too. Not a singer, but watching the show. Now you have to understand that music is a big thing for me. For me, any guy that I'm going to be with long term has to like music. I didn't know that this guy liked music. Not only did he like music, he liked the same music that I did.
So I invited him to a concert with me. In the meantime, until the day of the concert, he started coming over after work to watch Rock Star. And after we watched the show, we would retire upstairs. More friends with benefits.
The day of the concert came...and he didn't show up. I waited as long as I could for him to arrive at my house. He didn't come. I went to the concert anyway. And vowed to be done with him.
He came up with a good excuse. A friend had a big problem. He lived out of town. His cell phone battery died. So he couldn't get a hold of me. I believed him. And forgave him.
The season of Rock Star continued. We continued to watch it - mostly together but occasionally over the phone. We did some Christmas shopping together. We didn't exchange gifts, but then again, I wasn't really expecting him to get me anything. And I hadn't gotten him anything.
Then New Years came and went. I thought...perhaps...maybe...I would finally have a date for New Years Eve. No such luck.
And then it was Valentine's Day. I hate Valentine's. Probably because I have had a date for Valentine's exactly twice in my life. Being a hopeless romantic and being alone on Valentine's is not good. And so I thought...perhaps...maybe. But I didn't hear from him one way or the other. In fact, I hadn't really talked to him much since the New Year. But he'd started a new job and was working a lot of long hours. And things were not going well with the new job. Or so he told me. And I believed him.
Until I got a call on February 13th. From his girlfriend. Asking me why I was calling her boyfriend about spending Valentine's together. At 11:30 pm. Waking me up. It was horrible. I had no idea I was "the other woman". He denied it. He denied that she was his girlfriend. His relationship with her was just like his relationship with me. Except that he was moving in with her. He said it was because he was losing money on his business. He told me a whole song and dance. And, this time, I didn't believe him.
But now, unfortunately, the music of Inxs reminds me of him. And this time in my life. And so it doesn't soothe me. It makes me mad. Because I'm embarrassed. Why did I believe him?
But I don't want to feel that way about music. Any music. So I'm going to listen to it for a while. And hopefully it will eventually soothe my savage breast.
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