Anxiety Dreams

The standard psychology description of an anxiety dream is walking in public naked. Or showing up for a test on the last day of class and realizing that you never went to the class in the first place. Those are the standard-issue dreams.

My anxiety dreams are a little different. Sure I have the standard ones. But I also have a recurring one where I desperately need the key to my front door, and I can't find it anywhere. I open everything I can think of. Purse. Drawers. I search from room to room, which in this case change from one place to another - like a house to a hotel to an office building. It's a little Alice in Wonderland.

Last night's anxiety dream was all about trying to find my food card so I could eat. Adding to the anxiety level was that I had been waiting out in front of the cafeteria, feeling sorry for myself because I was alone and had no one to eat with. When along came several girls (I appeared to be in college) that I really wanted to sit with. And then they invited me to sit with them. And I was thrilled, but couldn't find my food card. And so I couldn't go in and eat with them. I told them to go in, and I'd be back shortly. That I just had to run back to my room to get my card.

And then I couldn't find it in my room. And somehow I was now at a resort like ClubMed, rather than at college, and I still needed to eat. And I still couldn't find my card. And this time I was trying to meet up with the friend I was at the resort with. He was already inside the cafeteria. I couldn't get in without my card. And I couldn't find my card.

So clearly my anxiety is not just related to the humiliation of being seen in public without clothes. Or failing a class. It's also related to fitting in to the right group. And food.