Love and Controversy

All of us - each of us - seek love. Love for and from family and friends is one of the most important things in our lives.

Recently a couple of my friends have made the news because of their love. Because of controversy surrounding who and how they chose to love.

Keith and Andreas have been partners for a long time. I don't know the specifics of how they met or how long they have been together, but Keith has been cutting my hair for several years now, and he was with Andreas long before that. Keith and Andreas are a committed couple. In fact, Keith legally changed his name to take on Andreas' last name. Such is their love for each other. The fact that they are men in no way diminishes their commitment to each other, their desire to be mates, and their love for each other, their families, and their friends. There are those who would find controversy in the simple fact that these two men love each other. Ridiculous! Finding a partner in life is something most of us strive for and all too few do well. A couple of years ago, Keith and Andreas adopted twins - Georgia and Peter - and formed a family. There are those who would question whether Keith and Andreas should be parents. Again, ridiculous. These children needed a loving home; Keith and Andreas are providing that home. Would that all children in need of a home could find parents as loving of each other and their children as these two. Recently, in early March, when same-sex marriage became legal in the District of Columbia, these two loving family men became legally husband and husband. There are those who believe that marriage should be only between a man and a woman. Ridiculous. Marriage is an ultimate expression of commitment, and more than a few marriages between heterosexual couples fail to live up to that commitment. Why shouldn't anyone - ANYONE - who is willing and able to make that commitment to another human being be allowed to do so? Why should that create controversy? Ridiculous.

Another friend lost his first-born son in 2002 to a rare blood disease. His wife recently published a book about their experience trying to save their son. Why would this story generate controversy? Because in trying to save their son, Allen and Laurie chose to undergo IVF to have a child who would be a genetic match for their son, to be the bone marrow donor he needed to live, and yet not have the same disease that was killing him. There are those who would question the ethics of such a decision. Ridiculous. Laurie and Allen loved their child. They loved each other. They wanted to have more children anyway. If they could have another child who also could save their first child, all the better. (In fact, they did have two other sons in the "normal" way.) The book details the challenges they felt, the strength of Henry's character, and the success that other families have achieved because of their trailblazing down this path of genetic embryo testing. Unfortunately for Henry, all the embryos created for the IVF either were not a genetic match, were a match but also had the same genetic disease, or just didn't take. And so Henry died. But other children lived. And the love of this family radiates through the book, through the Hope for Henry Foundation, and through Allen and Laurie's continued love for their children. All of them.

Love can be ephemeral. Love can be damned hard to find. Let's recognize the love of these families and skip the controversy.