The Awkwardness Of Death

I went to a funeral today. Well, actually I guess it wasn't a funeral since it didn't include an interment. But it wasn't a memorial service either since there was a body in the room. So I guess funeral is the best word for it.

It was an awkward situation. For several reasons. First, apparently several of the children didn't know about each other until recently. I don't know all the details, but some of them had not really intended to be there but for their mother's final requests. As a consequence, there was a second awkwardness. A couple of the children - and these are people in the 40s and 50s - came to the service in clothes that are utterly inappropriate for a funeral. One was in a Hawaiian shirt. A couple of were in blue jeans. Another was in a Harley t-shirt. Strange behavior even if you didn't know you were going to be there a day before. Third, the only people at the funeral besides the family were five of us who know one of the children from hanging out at a local bar. Now, we've all known each other for a long time. And we know each other more than it might sound like from that initial description. But that is where we met. We met at a bar. Fourth, there was a dead body in the room. At least the coffin was closed. Fifth, the preacher did not know the deceased. Now, I didn't know her either - I know her daughter - but I didn't have to talk about her the way he did. How awkward it must be to be a preacher in that situation. To try to offer comfort to people you don't know for a family member you don't know. The only thing he knew was that she was a faithful person. And so he read scripture. Fine. And she had all the children that didn't know each other. And so he suggested that they take the opportunity to get to know each other. And to me that was awkward. That was reaching too far when he didn't really know what her wishes were. He knew that her wishes were that her children attend her funeral. But getting to know each other? He had no way of knowing that was her wish. Sixth, at least one of her children - the one that I know - is not religious. She in fact considers herself a pagan. In the best sense of that word. She believes in spirituality. In goodness. In the goddess. And so the preacher reading scripture and talking about the kingdom of heaven was awkward.

But I have a theory. I think funerals are often awkward. At that moment in time, people are uncomfortable. Their emotions are strained. People come together - some the family may know, and others that the family may not know - strangers trying to join together to honor the dead. It's awkward.