The Social Secretary

I love my family. I love my friends. I enjoy spending time with them. But I am ultimately an introvert. I find it exhausting to be "on" all the time. When I do an adoption event, but the end of it, I am spent. Done. Finished. Ready to collapse.

I find a similar thing happens when I go on vacation with my family or friends. At some point each day, I need some time to myself. Maybe it's just when I'm going to bed. Maybe I'll go for a run. Maybe I'll go for a walk. Or offer to run to the store for something we might need. Just something to spend a little time alone.

Which is why I find it ironic that I am the family social secretary. I'm in charge of reminding people about major events in each other's lives - big birthdays, anniversaries, that kind of thing. When my father turned 70, I was the one who organized the dinner to celebrate. I was the one who got together his present - reminiscences from his siblings about their childhood. (To be fair, my sister did get tapped when my father turned 80, and we went to Hawaii.) When my mother turned the same age, I arranged for the family to send her 70 birthday cards. We all mailed our share (10 each) on the same day so that she ended up getting all 70 cards at approximately the same time. When it was my parents' 50th wedding anniversary, I organized a photography session for us "kids" and the grandchildren to get a formal portrait done - something we had never done before. This year, in honor of my parents' 60th anniversary next year and because it's been 10 years since the last one, my task - assigned by my mother because she knows I'm the family social secretary - is to get an updated family portrait taken. This time, we will include not only the new in-laws but also our parents. I also organize the family Pick-A-Name for Christmas presents every year. The first couple of years, we tried to find a time for everyone to actually pick a name out of a hat. But that has gotten too difficult since everyone is dispersed. So now I just do a random number generation and try to ensure that no one gets the same person two years in a row. Then I send an email to everyone with the list of who has who.

This social secretary thing has also extended to my friends. In the '90s, I took karate. There were 8-10 other women, approximately the same age, who took karate at the same time at the same school. It was great. We supported each other. We sparred with each other. We all got our black belts within a few months of each other. We became friends outside the dojo. In time, we each dropped away from karate for various reasons. Some got married and had children. Some lost interest after getting their first degree black belt. Some got busy with other life events. We kept in touch via email, but we didn't see each other much. Here and there. In pairs. Almost never as a group. Until one of the ladies died. Cherie passed away suddenly a couple of years ago. One of those random health events that she thought was minor and turned out to be fatal. In her honor and memory, the ladies of JSK got together for dinner. It was the first time we had seen each other - all at the same time - in years. And I was the one who suggested it. So I was the one who organized it. And now, I am in charge of keeping it going. Every few months I send an email to all the ladies and offer some possible dates to get together. Eventually some of us find some common time and have dinner. It's usually not everyone. But it keeps the relationships going.

Today I was social secretary for the ex-Northrop Grumman Health folks. Lunch for 7. One of us is still actually at Northrop Grumman, though he's no longer in the Health area. Three of us still work together though at my current company, Cognosante. The other three are at various other health IT companies in the area. A couple of us talked about getting together for drinks. A couple of us talked about getting together for lunch. A couple of us talked about getting together for dinner. And no one actually proposed date, time, and place. So I did. So I think now I'm going to be the social secretary for this crowd too?

I love my family. I love my friends. But I'm an introvert. And also - somehow - the social secretary.